You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
