I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
