Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
