hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize