Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
