This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
