Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
