Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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