I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize