She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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