Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
