meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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