I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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