Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
