I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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