butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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