forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
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this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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