i can't believe i had my finger in that
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
