no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
