Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can you bring me the toilet please
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
