I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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