It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
