hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
