that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
