I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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