put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
