I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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