but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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