i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize