u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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