Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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