That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
