you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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