Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
