you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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