Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
