Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
