This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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