There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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