i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
