please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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