I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm like, not good at living.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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