she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your cock deserves a montage
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
