oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
