yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
