My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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