OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
