i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
