I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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