for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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