in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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