I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
