wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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