Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
