Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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