Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
