I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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