I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
