The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize