I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
