Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
