college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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