I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
