Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
