i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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